The meaning of Farewell

As always, I'm Taaro, solo developer who is working on Farewell since 2022, at least until the last month. Recently I had several personal problems that prevent me from moving forward with the game, and today I want to talk a bit about that topic, the behind of Farewell and what it means for me.

About me

Honestly, I think I have a disdain for life (Yeah, this post is not going to start off well). It's not that I'm not grateful or anything similar, I just feel like I have a problem having something that makes me feel alive. I've thought about it a lot and always came to the same conclusion, why look for something to make me feel alive? If it's not going to matter when I die anyway, what's so important that makes it different from empty death? I'm going to make it clear right now: I never considered suicide. Just imagining the damage it would do to my parents, to my siblings, to the people I love... just thinking about it already from day one that option was out of consideration. But then what? what can be done?

I have been thinking that for a decade now, what to do then? To live hardened and grumpy is an option, yes, but if my life is obligatory, why not make the effort to be good? Ever since I made that question I try to be better every year, to be able to be well and make the ones I love happy. It's a lovely motive, if perhaps you don't consider the fact that you don't seem to have a variety of options, but then what? Living for others? Is there really nothing I want to do?

Farewell

Perhaps the change started when a Taaro a decade younger played To The Moon. For anyone who doesn't know, To The Moon is a story-driven game, maybe without a lot of game mechanics, but it achieved something in me that no other game had ever achieved. It hit as hard inside me as if it were Ego's Ratatouille scene. It was a before and after, a realization. The realization that the media I had used for so many years to escape from reality, to have fun, was also a source of art. One in which emotions and unique experiences could be transmitted. Could I do something similar?

That was when my only aspiration was born: to make Farewell. Of course, at that time I had nothing. I didn't know what it was going to be about, I didn't know the name of the game, I didn't even know what programming was. I just knew I wanted to do it. Since then, I focused on making it and I was lucky enough to be able to quit my job as a programmer to dedicate myself entirely to this project in January 2022. Although it took a lot of effort and many crises, I felt alive and happy, at least until August.

The last month

Last month I lost my 12 year old dog Akira to cancer which hurt her very badly and very quickly. Just a week later, health problems came up that for 2 weeks I almost lost my sister. It was the worst month of my life. Although I have lived situations of the same level, the fact of living something similar, knowing the impact and all that it entails... no, it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

That's when I started thinking. Farewell is the only thing in my life that I genuinely want to do. Years and years of not finding meaning and I finally found that it's what I love and makes me feel alive. But is Farewell really that important? No, not even close. Yes, it's my only aspiration, my only dream, what I'm genuinely excited to do. But, compared to my family, it's a project that I would burn everything to the ground as long as they're okay.

Now..

All I want to say with this post is that, I think I got blinded in my game without considering how lucky I was in more important things. Luckily, in my family's health things seemed to be better, and I'm grateful to be able to be counting things with a good outcome. I will return to Farewell eventually if things continue to improve, that is one of my greatest wishes. But today I want to be there for my family, because there is nothing in this world that matters more to me.

Thank you very much for reading to the end. I leave a picture of Akira in happier times.